Last Updated on March 18, 2021 by Maggie Sutton
To celebrate National Nurses Week, we did some digging and made a list of jokes that nurses will get, relate to and appreciate. Check out our list and be sure to share one or two jokes with colleagues or a nurse you know. Also, be sure to thank a nurse this week for all that they do. Without them, we would all think simple cold symptoms are the first stages of a deadly flesh eating disease and the end of the human race as we know it.
Any kid that has a problem these day gets pills shoved in their mouth. Like, every kid 17-years-old, ‘Oh, we got him on Prozac.’ What does a 17-year-old need Prozac for to get through life? When I was 17, my dad’s version of anti-depressants would be to, like, hold my head underwater ’til I got a little more excited about living.
A woman told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt.
The doctor looked concerned and said, “Show me where.”
The woman touched her own arm and screamed, “Ouch!”
Then she touched her leg and screamed, “Ouch!”
She touched her nose and cried, “Ouch!”
She looked at her doctor and said, “See? It hurts everywhere!”
The doctor laughed and said, “Don’t worry; it’s not serious. You’ve just got a broken index finger.”
A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast. One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said, “Don’t move — I’ll be right back.”
When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in amazement, “How did you get that in your mouth, you can’t even move?” Then the man said, “I hiccupped.”
A woman with two burnt ears went to the doctor and told him, “The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron.”
The doctor asked her, “What about the other ear?”
She replied, “They called back.”
Q: How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They just have a nursing student do it.
A nurse caring for a man from Kentucky asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?”
“It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied.
The nurse asked to see the jelly and the man pointed at the bedside table. Oh yeah, it’s a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”
A novice nurse wears so many pins on their name badge.
An experienced nurse does not wear a name badge for liability reasons.
A novice nurse wants everyone in the work setting to know they are a nurse.
An experienced nurse does not want anyone to know they are a nurse.
A novice nurse does their head to toe assessments starting at the actual head or toes.
An experienced nurse knows that all assessment criteria will be answered during a transfer to the commode!
A novice nurse spends hours giving a bed bath.
An experienced nurse lets the nursing assistant or student nurse do a bed bath.
A novice nurse will spend time bladder training an incontinent patient.
An experienced nurse will refer the patient to the physician for insertion of a Foley catheter.
A novice nurse looks for blood on a bandage hoping they can change it.
An experienced nurse knows a little blood never hurt anyone, so they let it.
A novice nurse always answers the phone.
An experienced nurse checks the caller ID before answering the phone.
A novice nurse tries to make friends with everyone.
An experienced nurse knows to use that energy only to befriend the cafeteria cooks, pharmacists, and discharge planner!
A novice nurse loves to run to codes.
An experienced nurse makes graduate nurses run to codes.
A novice nurse has limited knowledge about these jokes.
An experienced nurse is guilty of these jokes.